On Marriage

“Young people often think of marriage as a state….the state of matrimony. But intimate partnership isn’t something you enter, like the state of Texas. It’s something you create”. Michael P. Nichols.

Inevitable marital conflict, relational difficulties, felt disappointments must be talked about and worked through. Couples get stuck in downward spirals because they express their disappointments in “blaming” terms (you always, you never) instead of owning their disappointments (I had hoped you would…). Our childhood or adolescent “ideals” of a perfect mate set them up for failure when they inevitably fail to fulfill our fantasies. True love, agape as expressed in the love of God, bears all things (absorbs the other’s short-falls), hopes all things (looks for the good in the other), endures all things (never gives up), never fails (the power to finish well).

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